According to this awesome 80s PSA, The HOFF isn't stoked about pot, and neither is K.I.T.T.

Does a bear get jiggy in the woods? Apparently, yes. 

What happens when a pro illustrator draws the stuff kids think up? Imaginawesome, of course.

Looking for St. Gwen? You probably need some of these celebrity prayer candles. 

Disney gets the design treatment: 10 beautiful alternative movie posters. 

How long do you think you would survive in a horror movie? Check this flow-chart so you're prepared. 

Yum! Maybe these eensy food photos will satisfy your snack cravings. 

And this week's imaginary cuteness award goes to: 33 photos of animals with stuffed versions of themselves.

{Natural Selection opened in Seattle Friday, 4/13, and is screening at SIFF Cinema at the Uptown through 4/19} 

Natural Selection is one of those indie-darling films I'd been mildly curious about, but avoided during SIFF because I figured it couldn't be as good as everyone said it was. People, screencap this or something right now, because I WAS WRONG. It's easy to see how this scooped up a bunch of film fest awards now that I've seen it, and am not just quietly judging it based on the reviews.  

The gist of the story is that Linda White (Rachel Harris, aka: my new favorite actress) and her husband of 25 years, Abe, have never had sex because she can't conceive -- some past trauma which apparently caused Linda to be barren is alluded to, but never explored fully -- and all truly faithful people know you can only have sex to procreate. Linda tries her best to be a good Christian wife, but sometimes a girl just wants some lovin', and so Abe's spurning of her advances becomes increasingly frustrating. 

Anyway, turns out that Abe's been satisfying the urge to spread his seed by visiting a sperm donation clinic weekly, which Linda accidentally discovers when he has an aneurysm during climax and slips into a coma. Though stunned by the revelation, she continues to stand by her man by convincing a clinic staffer to let her peek at the offspring list, and sets off to find Abe's one and only son, Raymond. 

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{This Is Not a Film opens at the Northwest Film Forum on Friday April 13th}

I've been wanting to see This Is Not a Film since hearing about it last year when it premiered at Cannes. Smuggled out of Iran on a USB key secreted within a cake, it's sadly the last thing the world may see from director Jafar Panahifor a long, long time.

Sentenced to 6 years in jail and a 20-year ban on filmmaking, the day in the life picture was shot by Jafar at his apartment as he struggles with the pain of waiting as his appeal is processed. The banality of life going on while his existence as an artist is crushed by that state is a staggeringly effective juxtaposition.

For much of the film it's hard to imagine how Iran's government sees a major threat from this gentle man. Who on one level putts around the house, while occasionally being climbed upon by the family pet Igi. By the end though, as you stand back and absorb Panahifor's ability with a professional camera (and occasionally an iphone), the threat he poses takes on true formidableness.

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The stuff of nightmares: 13 Awful Easter Bunny Family Photos

Alfred Hitchcock fangasm: A simply amazing Rear Window Timelapse Video

Having a bad day? Read this and instantly feel better! 

ATTENTION! Giant killer chickens once ruled the earth!!! 

Liz Lemon would totally buy this: hot dog-stuffed pizza (Cheesy! Blasters!) 

The perfect art for your imaginary den: mosh pit mixed media photo/paintings

The answer to the question "What if my dog could text?"
"Fun day. Ran around the house in a cape. I'M BATDOG LOL"

Flight of the Conchords feat. Jay-Z! (so NSFW, just FYI) 

{The Salt of Life opens in Seattle on Friday, 4/6 and is screening at the Seven Gables Theatre for one week only}

I absolutely adored Mid-August Lunch by Director-Actor-Writer Gianni Di Gregorio, so I was really excited to view his latest film: The Salt of Life.

Gianni once again portrays a warm, generous character—who suffers from comedic circumstances that he constantly struggles with. His “Mama” (played by the amazing Valeria de Franciscis) is spending his inheritance on her lavish house, extravagant ladies’ lunches, expensive landscaping, and bottles of $250 champagne. Even though he’s struggling with his own expenses, he can’t ask her for money outright—instead relying on the fact that he will eventually inherit her house and whatever is left of her fortune.

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{Once Upon a Time in Anatolia opens in Seattle at the Northwest Film Forum on Friday, April 6th, and runs through April 12th}

Hey guys, I highly recommend checking out Once Upon a Time in Anatolia. It's long, slow, cryptic to the point of confusing, and stuffed to the brim with symbolism and an array of characters suffering opaque yet significant life regrets. Oh, and it's in Turkish. Hey wait, come back! It's also really really good. Filled with beyond beautiful visuals, humor and insight (even if you argue the theme of "whenever there's trouble look for a woman" dialog). Sure ... maybe I've not yet 100% worked out everything that was going on over the course of the film. But I want to understand it. To the point where I'm likely going to watch it through again this week when it makes its Seattle appearance at the Northwest Film Forum. A film that captures my attention and makes me want to be a wiser viewer deserves to be seen. 

The burnt copper/sepia palette combined with breathtaking held closeups of the story's murderer alone make for a super memorable watch. Just maybe don't check it out when you're tired. The Bourne Identity for ADD suffers it's not. Some folks may hate me later for this recommendation, but I think this is the real deal.

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The most amazing PBR commerical ever: Disco, beer, and Patrick Swayze in a white suit + scarf. AWESOME. 

Untrimmed facial hair inspires a full-length documentary: The Winter of the Beard

World's Fair Nostalgia: A set of design images and photos from the 50s & 60s. 

The evolution of college radio: A brief history of KUOW, KCMU...and KEXP!

This would have been useful at The Underground, back in 1987: How to Dance Goth

What if all the Mad Men characters were dogs? Dogster matches breeds to characters. 

There's a reason everybody's talking about the Dollar Shave commercial: Because it is HILARIOUS!

Who invited her again? Girls' night with Katniss, Buffy, Hermione….and fun-killer Bella: 

Katniss: So, how was everyone’s week?

Hermione: Oh, same old. Quidditch match, Ron being a whiny, emotional middle-child, a few random assassination attempts by the Dark Lord, saving Potter from certain doom. Y’know, the usual stuff.

Buffy: I was saving the world.

Katniss: I was also saving the world!

Bella: I jumped off a cliff to get the attention of my ex-boyfriend.

Which path will Don take? You choose in the Mad Men 8-Bit Game.
Roger: "Now I gotta go sleep with Joan and Jane. I'm old and grey, but I get the hottest tail on the show."

Someone you know deserves a Badger of Honor: Award them with cute medals! 

Dexter, In the marina, with a butcher knife: Play the Dexter Board Game.

They fight and fight, and fight and fight and fight! Please enjoy Every Itchy and Scratchy show from The Simpsons. (before it's blocked by Fox!)

This might be even more disturbing than the movie: Requiem for Cathy's (as in Guisewite) Dream.

Die, green pigs! An Angry Birds Theme Park might be happening in Europe (dang). 

Want a beer? No problem, I'll just open up my Marshall Amp FRIDGE.

What'd you guys see online this week?

Note: I reviewed this when it played at SIFF last summer, and time has only enhanced my opinion of it. It’s playing a one-week run at the Varsity this week, and director Taika Watiti is appearing in person for tonight’s 7:00 show, and tomorrow at 4:40 & 7:00pm. Go if you can!

Stylistically, Boy is a lot like a Wes Anderson movie, though generally warmer [n.b. I’m not in the camp who considers Anderson’s movies to be soul-less, but Boy is still softer edged]. It’s got animated sidebars and curious characters both open-hearted and quirky. And like much of Anderson’s oeuvre, it’s mostly about what kids need to do when their parents aren’t as grown up as they should be.

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Back from SXSW last week, and I feel I have a lot of movie watching catching up to do. It seems as if Seattle theaters are stuffed with interesting things to checkout. This weekend isn't making things any easier. I've tried to narrow down to three sets of suggestions - but it wasn't easy.

In the "maybe one needs to look deep into their soul to see if something broken beyond repair" option, there's the kids killing kids onscreen category. Or as the Hollywood marketing machine calls it, The Hunger Games. I haven't seen it, but I'm certainly looking forward to it. Especially on the beautiful screen of the Cinerama. Those books were great - I mean common, who wouldn't shed a tear for the relationship problems Katniss has to deal with. Seriously. If you'd like to catch it without the non-drinking crowd then The Big Picture will also be hosting 21-and-over screenings all week. If that's not enough for you in the way of young adult bloodsport, you'll want to make a double feature out of it with Battle Royale, the legendary Japanese film that's similar, yet I'm sure quite different, finally available in the US. You can choose between home video, a Friday 11pm screening at the Northwest Film Forum, or midnight presentations both Friday and Saturday at the Egyptian.

More movie madness after the jump...

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