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Worst at lyrics, best at tantric yoga

Well, according to Blender Magazine, Sting is the worst lyricist in music today. Now, I trust Blender and its musical acumen about as far as I can throw a 200 lb block of shredded issues of Blender, but they have a bit of a clue when it comes to the worst lyricists. The top five of the list are:

(1) Sting: I can agree with this, especially after listening to songs like "Synchronicity." Ugh. However, it's Sting's trite love song slogans that bug me most, like "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You."

(2) Neil Peart from Rush: Can't really comment having not listened to much Rush anyway.

(3) Scott Stapp from Creed: I think this speaks for itself...

(4) Noel Gallagher from Oasis: This guy might have actually deserved the top spot for the drivel that Oasis has produced over the years. I mean, some of the lyrics are truly hideous, and I offer "Champagne Supernova" as evidence.

(5) Dan Fogelberg: "It's the chance of a lifetime / In a lifetime of chance / And it's high time you joined / In the dance." Enough said. Instead of the video for "Run for the Roses," I offer you a 9:50 minute "tribute" to Dan Fogelberg by a bunch of grown men playing in what looks like a high school orchestra.

Any other horrible lyricists you'd like to point out?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007
by Erik Gonzalez

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1   imaginary dana said on October 9, 2007

Did they really include Dan Fogelberg in a list of the worst lyricists from today??? Um, weird.

And Neil Peart? Clearly the folks at Blender have never read "The Fountainhead." I love Rush lyrics! So full of over-the-top individualism and 80s-big-brother paranoia!!

No his mind is not for rent!
To any God or government!
Offers hope for your discontent!
Knows changes aren't permanent.... BUT CHANGE IS!!!!!

Anyhoo, that song is like, older than most readers of this site. So again I say -- worst lyricists RIGHT NOW? C'mon, Blender. Catch up with the decade, at a minimum.

2   The Grim said on October 9, 2007

Sadly, I'll offer this PWEI chesnut: "Give me Big Mac, Fries to Go/Gimme Big Mac Fries to Go/Gimme Big Mac/Gimme Fries to Go."

And I'd also like to nominate virtually every line sang by the Beastie Boys.

3   Blinky said on October 9, 2007

I love Blender!

4   Rick said on October 9, 2007

Wait... Neil Peart writes the LYRICS? No...

Weird. That's not Geddy Lee penning the words?

Anyhow: Everybody knows the worst lyrics of all time belong to Wesley Willis. (I know he's dead but please... he's more relevant that Dan Fogelberg fer chissakes).

By way of example I offer the following, from the aptly-named tune called "The Foo Fighters:"

This band played at the Metro
About 800 people were at the rock show
The jam session was awesome
It wupped a horse's ass

The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters

The band played it on
The band got down like a magickist
The crowd roared like a lion
The jam session wupped a tiger's ass

The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters

The rock show was over
A lot of people met the band
The jam session was awesome
It wupped a llama's ass real good

The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters

...No disrespect meant to the man. I happen to think "Fireman Rick" is a great album.

5   Erik Gonzalez said on October 9, 2007

Rock over London, Rock over Chicago, Blockbuster, wow what a difference!

6   Rick said on October 9, 2007

Rock over London, Rock out Chicago, Diet Pepsi, Uh Huh!

7   imaginary dana said on October 9, 2007

I have always thought that Foreigner should at least win the prize for the lamest rhyming lyrics:

"You don't have to read my mind.
To know what I have in mind."

SO LAZY!!!!!! He couldn't think of another word????

8   jordan said on October 9, 2007

the dude from incubus is the worst lyricist in human history.

9   Imaginary-Kiku said on October 9, 2007

Speaking as someone eternally sitting next to a wangsta in psych class, the guy who wrote "Ay Bay-Bay" is not only the worst lyricist, but a terrible human being and a scourge on the earth

10   Rick said on October 9, 2007

Kiku: Please explain "wangsta" for us old people. I'll go get my bifocals

11   Imaginary-Kiku said on October 9, 2007

Certainly grandpa :P Wangsta = White Gangsta

12   elle said on October 10, 2007

HA! I love that Dana quoted "Tom Sawyer"! I LOVE that song, I'll totally admit it. Yes to Big Brother paranoia.

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