damnit. i googled forever and i still couldn't find them.. but here's the link to one of the most poorly written, (accidentally?) hilarious songs of all time:
http://www.myspace.com/robbybase

"Crush" by Rob Base & DJ Easyrock

(i haven't heard it in two years, so i pieced this little bit together...if you feel like laughing your ass off, feel free to have a listen.)

i dreamed a dream in the night time
all about you
cause you're so fine.
and all we are is just friends

so i
made my move
gave you my number
but there's one thing
that i really can't under
stand
is why you never got the chance to call...

so i'll just wait
til you get a chance
cause i'm filled with love and ro-mance
and every time i think of you i just smile.

notables:

"girl i just wrote this song for you..
now!"

"love is love
and haters hate
i believe that love is sooo great."

i can't believe i found it eeeeeeee!!!

Any discussion of bad lyrics has to include LFO's "Summer Girls" which I concern the minima of English songwriting skills:

>>>
Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer

{Verse 1}

Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
Your the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer

{Verse 2}

Cheery Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

{Repeat Chorus}

Bridge In the summertime girls got it goin on,
Shake and wigle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

{Verse 3}

Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Lipit
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
repeat Chorus

{Bridge}

In the summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

{Repeat Chorus}

Yah, rhyming "Rich" with "Fitch" (especially when Fitch has "Abercrombie" in front of it) is nearly as bad as rhyming "mind" with "mind."

Nearly.

I think that Avril's song with all that controversy is probably one of the worst I've heard. Why would people argue about who wrote it?? I would deny I had anything to do with it...

"Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend!
Hey hey, you you, I think you need a new one!
Hey hey, you you, I should be your girlfriend!"

good god

Kiku -- clearly you're just not understanding the subtlety in Avril's lyrics, that's all. She's very nuanced.

As much as I enjoy the music, the lyrics are awful...lol

What A Fool Believes. -- Doobie Brothers

He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool dont see
Tryin hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life

She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...

Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe theres a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
Theres nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...

I have three MAJOR lyrical pet peeves.

1. Don't ever, EVER, rhyme the words "cool" and "fool."

Here's why. It's been done. A million times.

Besides, who calls people a Fool, anyway, it's not even in our lexicon anymore. It rhymes with cool... Laziness.

2. Don't ever rhyme "walk" and "talk." It's been done. It's lazy.

3. (This is a personal grammatical pet peeve). I HATE hate hate when people use "that" in place of "who."

Example: "I like girls THAT wear Abercrombie and Fitch."
Goddammit. It's WHO!!!

The Beatles had this problem. Can't think of an example, but I know I've heard it.

My favorite Johnny Cash song is also tainted by this mishap. In "Tennessee Flat Top Box," he sings, "The little dark-haired boy that played the Tennessee Flat Top Box."

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

OMG Cal -- the "that/who" thing is a TOTAL pet peeve of mine as well!

I also loathe the improper use of the subjunctive (and there goes the last of our readers....). In case you're still reading, it basically means using "was" for "were" when talking about a wish or hope.

Examples:

CORRECT USAGE:
"If I were a rich man" (Fiddler on the Roof?? Oy!)

INCORRECT USAGE:
"I wish I WAS homeward bound" (Simon and Garfunkel)

This concludes our editorial nerdy session for Friday.

Gahhh! It's not the lyrics or the nuance. It's the hooks and the production!

Grammer:

It's Bananas!
B A N A N A S

Poor Gwen - she can't write lyrics to save her soul.

r kelly wins the laziest rhymes of all times. in his trapped in the closet commentary he addresses this rhyme:

"checks under the bed
then under the dresser
he looks at the closet
i pull out my berretta"

with "to be honest with you, I only came up with beretta, because I really needed a rhyme word for dresser."

check out lyrics for the entire hip-hopera for the infinite laughs.

OMG that is funny. That might be our winner!