Features - love is hard with rachel flotard

Like Psychos Need Pills and Koshers Need Dills

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:58:02 -0700

And what could be more gratifying than a painfully calculated set up between insane people?

No Beasts in Belltown

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 10:50:07 -0700

Circle jerking with the Mariner Moose and a bunch of other mascots at a Holiday Inn convention center does not leave the system like a spray-on tan.

I Can't Stand Her Love Stench

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 09:00:49 -0700

Just the idea that she is going to have to hear that her vag is rotting from someone who uses "bumpin uglies" in a sentence is just a deafening air horn of white terror.

Polyamory. What the fuck?

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 8 Jun 2007 07:54:10 -0700

Maybe you have some All-Skate button clicked and don’t know it.

5 O'Clock Shadow at 3:30? C’est Moi!

Rachel Flotard — Sun, 13 May 2007 21:56:45 -0700

Unattended, I look like a fuckin sorcerer. A lot of “whoa-men” my age can attest to this phenom, but can they braid it?

Not About the Pepe LePee-U

Rachel Flotard — Mon, 7 May 2007 10:49:28 -0700

After telepathic high-fives and some page flipping, our hearts immediately began hemorrhaging irony: Farts.

I Read My Exes' Blogs Every Day. Am I Obsessed?

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:55:36 -0700

Today instead of SlimJimming his car window to find papers and underpants, you can open it in a browser from work and not look like the elephant man.

Fear Not, Piss Pot

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 09:47:57 -0700

Break-ups are like taking bowling shoes back to the counter. Some winner sprays them off as another foot boards its nerd-bound train to land a fuckin’ turkey.

I Wore My Wrestling Singlet for This?

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 12:39:40 -0700

Remind him who did the Superbowl Shuffle across I-90 to hibernate in whose butt, and stand your ground.

No One Looks Really Hot Right Now

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 6 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0700

I don't feel jaded by past relationships and don't feel like I'm looking for a particular type or mold. I can even bring myself to see past the hair-face that somehow spread like the plague last year.

The Superior Northwest Dating Pool?

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 01:00:00 -0700

Usually, before they kill you and wear your hide on Evening Magazine, you get to go to Ivar's. Which is nice.

Shut the Fuck Up and Moo

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 10:08:32 -0700

Something is triggering your shit. No medical reason* to become dryer than a Christian frat funnel when Jebodiah rolls the girls around.

The Case of the Ever-Dreaded "Break"

Rachel Flotard — Wed, 12 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0800

Last time I knew a dude getting some air, he breathed into a bag. And that bag's name was Shirley.

Peace In, Boi! LOL!!

Rachel Flotard — Sun, 17 Oct 2004 00:00:00 -0700

Either I am the Smucker's Jam celebrity geriatric of the week who just turned 1000, or I'm completely out of touch with today's youth.

Spite-Filled Nugget

Rachel Flotard — Sun, 8 Aug 2004 00:00:00 -0700

Demand satisfaction or tell Special Sauce to stowe it and find a better business for the bureau.

Gyped Sparkly Girl

Rachel Flotard — Mon, 12 Jul 2004 00:00:00 -0700

Sounds like you've got the spark and the future and the goodtimes. How about taking them over to another dude's house?

#1 Love Crush

Rachel Flotard — Thu, 13 May 2004 00:00:00 -0700

Follow Darwin on this one and let him do the work his nuts were born to do. If he's half as sparkly as you hope he is, he's sculpting your name in kittens right now...

Frustrated by Rushes of Blood to the Head

Rachel Flotard — Mon, 12 Apr 2004 00:00:00 -0700

I guarantee that Gwyneth Paltrow, impregnated by the entire band and management team of Coldplay, feels like a little Foghat right about now. Her make-outs are probably sanctioned by Oprah but sponsored by AT&T and Bono.

Grunge Guy's Girlfriend

Rachel Flotard — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 00:00:00 -0800

I fear you may never be happy with Alice In Pains if you think he's a pig pen.

Greasy Guy

Rachel Flotard — Sat, 7 Feb 2004 00:00:00 -0800

Sis, ride greased lightning on airplane pillows or wash him out of your hair.