I know this won't surprise you, but my pick is Moz. Think about the prose he'd send.

Yeah, he'd be all "Immigrants are wrecking England! Saying that doesn't make a bigot! I'll sue you if you print that!"

Maybe I'm just devoid of intellectual ambition, but if Randall from Clerks was a real person, I'd go with him, because that dude always makes me laugh.