IMAGI-BLOG
Who would be the coolest pen pal ever?
Submitted by imaginary liz on November 29, 2007.I was over catching up on my PopCandy reading and came upon an entry from Miss Whitney that made me spew tea with laughter (especially the Skippy Handleman part).
I didn't have any superstar pen pals but I still have a dear friend that I've exchange letters with (no email allowed) for the last 15 years. I feel bad because her handwriting is amazing retro gothic style while most of my letters must take hours to be deciphered (and exclamation points used liberally to note the audience laugh track).
I agree with Fred Armisen, John Waters would be a killer pen pal... but I'd choose Will from Okkervil River. He'd have all kindsa wise words and crazy antidotes to share. I'm sure my vocab would improve ten-fold.
Who would you choose?
Fred Armisen tells an awesome story on the blog PaperThinWalls about how he has had a 25-year pen-pal relationship with director John Waters. It started when Armisen was in high school and read Waters' Shock Value:
"He was called 'the Prince Of Puke,' so in (my letter) I said, 'Dear John, I want to take over your puke-dom, I want to be the next Prince Of Puke and I want to shock people," Armisen says. "One day I'm watching the David Letterman show. John Waters was the guest. David Letterman said, 'You must get some strange mail.' And then John Waters told this story about a kid named Fred that wrote to him. I was so freaked out, I just screamed!"
I wrote to some celebrities when I was a kid, though I didn't get a lot of personal responses. (I can understand being ignored by River Phoenix, but was Skippy Handleman really that busy during the '80s?).
» permalink «
2
Joseph Riippi said on November 29, 2007:
Ah, who am I kidding. I was trying not to say the obvious.
Dylan, of course.
» reply
3
shane said on November 29, 2007:
Liz, why are you hoping for some "crazy antidotes"? You got a case of malapropism-itis that needs to be cured?? ;)
I would choose Crispin Glover.
» reply
4
imaginary liz said on November 29, 2007:
Shane, you're hired! Can you also recount your Crispin Glover conversations with me?
» reply
5
shane said on November 29, 2007:
Our best bet is to probably just write letters to him together; I'll write the words and you write the exclamation marks so crispin will know when we've made a really good joke and he should laugh!
And we'll sign each letter as either "Lane" or "Shiz".
» reply
6
saundrah said on November 29, 2007:
David Bowie... I would love just to go have coffee with him one afternoon.
» reply
7
elle said on November 29, 2007:
Okay, if it were the mid-late 1800s, I would totally say Henry David Thoreau. Although, I read about one pen-pal he had, and it sounds like he would have been really intimidating to send letters.I know he's not a rock star, but c'mon!
» reply
8
imaginary liz said on November 29, 2007:
Yea - that's why Dylan couldn't be my pen pal. What could I possibly come up with that would be of interest to him?
Wait, I remembered another one that would be cool... Gordon from ballboy -- the Scots are soooo brilliant with the written word. He'd be nice, funny, and would surely answer my letters.
» reply
9
imaginary chona said on November 30, 2007:
chuck klosterman. that dude is an uproar. rock writers count, right? i mean...anyone that can write an entire chapter on the sims video game series and make it intellectually insightful/hilarious is a winner.
bjork would be a cool pen pal. i would ask her what grade of milk she drinks and what her favorite horse is. and if she would please reimburse for the two bucks i never got for that molar back in third grade.
» reply
10
imaginary stella said on November 30, 2007:
I know this won't surprise you, but my pick is Moz. Think about the prose he'd send!
» reply
11
The Grim said on November 30, 2007:
I know this won't surprise you, but my pick is Moz. Think about the prose he'd send.
Yeah, he'd be all "Immigrants are wrecking England! Saying that doesn't make a bigot! I'll sue you if you print that!"
Maybe I'm just devoid of intellectual ambition, but if Randall from Clerks was a real person, I'd go with him, because that dude always makes me laugh.
» reply
12
imaginary stella said on November 30, 2007:
Hahahahaha, you're so right, Grim! I was going to reference that, but I decided against it. You can't say the letters would be boring ;).
» reply
13
Tim Hanken said on November 30, 2007:
I think I would go with W. Just think of the insight you would get and the letters would come in lots of colors as he wore out each crayon during the course of the pen pal campaign. Plus you'd get to mail your letters to hell and I think that's postage free.
» reply
14
ChrisB said on December 1, 2007:
I once bought a drink for one of Chona's dream pen pals and they told me their e-mail address. Does that count?
(It wasn't Bjork.)
It is actually a pretty funny story that involved me unintentionally insulting another local rock writer (ok, insulting him was intentional, the part about him sitting five feet away wasn't). I'll tell it some other time. :-)
» reply
15
imaginary chona said on December 1, 2007:
that is too awesome!! i will hear the story some other time!!
» reply
Reviews
Joseph Riippi said on November 29, 2007:
Brian Eno. Ever read his liner notes? Eloquent as a painting.